3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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