im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
