I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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