i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
