a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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