The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
