I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
