I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
