i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I love you. Go after that dick
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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