So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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