9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
