I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
