no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sorry about my life...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
