I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
