Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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