mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
