Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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