Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
