sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Two words: blizzard sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
