Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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