All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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