one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
