Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My penis needs a shock collar
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
