What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love having hate sex.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
