I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
