she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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