I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize