If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
