dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
