i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
