i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
