what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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