He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
