and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
