You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
