he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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