he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize