Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
