Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
