the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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