I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
