a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
