i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
