booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're like the curious george of whores
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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