All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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