My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
