I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
