I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
