He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
