I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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