it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
