naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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