Im at strip club and am horny
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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