she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
