Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
