Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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