I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
