at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
