We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
