She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
