true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
