AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
