maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
