did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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