Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
