I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We don't watch enough power rangers
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize