this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
