I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
