woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
