pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
