i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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