Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
