If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
