She's JV to your varsity
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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