Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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