my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
