3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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