Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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