Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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