two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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