Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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