just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
