i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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