farters have to be the big spoon...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
