they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What a dumb baby whore.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
