You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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