If that was your dad, he is hot
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
