Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize