I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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