I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
