She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
