I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
