My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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