I just threw up on my dentist
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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