mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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