I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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