Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
