the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
