So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The struggles of a small town man whore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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