the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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