You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Randomize
