I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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