good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
