She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
