i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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