At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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