I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
