Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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