He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
