well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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