last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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