I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
