That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
