we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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