I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
there is glitter all over my balls
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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